WE'LL TAKE THE SPINACH CHALLENGE

So I come to you today with my latest adventure: taking the PHYSICAL SPINACH CHALLENGE. This experience comes from Costco, the people that brought you everything you need but 50 times more of it than you could possibly want. It's like Demitri Martin's bit about being really thirsty and then drowning*. Except now your being shit-kicked by more green leaves than you can shit before having to eat more.

*This clip isn't that joke, but it's what came up on the Tubes and is closer to what I'm trying to explain anyway. It's a good one though, I've heard it on his CD, These Are Jokes. I only have one section of bits from it, though, because I got it during my free** trial of emusic, and chose the longest track, presuming it would have the most jokes per non-bucks***. This joke is right before he assesses the danger level of situations based on level of dress. That's a good one.

**/***I had to end up paying because I didn't cancel in time. I tend to do that.

THE UNHOLY BAG OF SPINACH 

 

I've attempted the feat before, but I've unlatched myself from previous restraints to now conquer fully, armed with the powers of DETERMINATION and UNEMPLOYMENT. That's why I'm now going to take the challenge and shove it right up the ante. Not only will I devour the bag before it goes bad, I will consume it in a different dish each time I eat it. By the end, expect a Forrest Gumpesque list of all the ways in which the leafy bastard can pass your lips. Now, if I did this my usual way, I'd have no real updates, because I'd just be eating veggie pasta and drinking brown smoothies. What are those? Why, I'll get them out of the way as my first two spinachful recipes!

Veginald von Pasta III

Pasta
Eggplant
Spinach
Tomato
Pasta sauce
Hot sauce (optional, if you know what's good for you)
Nutritional yeast (also optional, but it's as worthwhile as it is optional)

1. Spice the shit out of the sauce with Cholula
2. Saute the rawness out of the spinach and eggplant
3. Slice the tomato for a sumptuous side
4. Sprinkle the not-yellow out of it with nutritional yeast****

****It tastes cheesy, so use like grated Parmesan***** cheese on pasta
*****It doesn't taste like Parmesan, but I recommend it****** because it's good for you*******
******While we're on the recommendation train, don't use it like Parmesan. It's stick to your teeth. Instead, mix it in with the sauce
*******It's a great source of Vitamin B12, necessary for good health but harder to come by if you're vegan. It can be tasty**** though

Brown Smoothie

 1. It needs to look like what that duck would probably swim in

Here's a look at the ingreeds:

Lots-o-spinach mhmm

The spinach is painfully evident. Eschew your fear, however, for there will be no sifting through stringy chucks with your teeth like a whale or somesuch oceanic beast. The taste is also at least trifold as good as it looks. The other items in the mix are:

1 frozen banana
2 tbsp hemp seed
1 handful frozen berries
3/4 cup coconut water






That's it; go nvts with the Ninja until it's properly spun to death. Then drink it like water off a duck's back.********

********Some metaphor reassembly required