Water is the best. Sometimes, however, it's good to give it a little kick. Why? I was going to tell you anyway you inquisitive fuck.
When I’m not climbing mountains with my bare hands and drinking my own piss,
I’m drinking Bragg’s apple cider vinegar. One sip and I’m back on that icy
peak, staring down a bottle of warm yellow that’s about to get déjà-vu.
There’s more benefits to be had than just reminding me of good times, however.
One: it’s healthy as fuck. While apple cider vinegar has a lengthy list of benefits, it's probably shorter than the list of side-effects to be had from a medicine said to cure any of the ailments apple cider vinegar can remove. Woah.
Before reading on, do a once-over on that sentence again just to be sure you got
all that shit.
And before you go on about modern medicine being the best or some shit just because the present has some inherent quality that it has learned from the past, let me at least say this: I don't care if 4 out of 5 doctors recommend it, or even if it were 5/5, or 7/6, or 8/0, or 
for that matter. One out of one of the doctors that matter choose apple cider vinegar. And who might that be? Oh, just some guy named
for that matter. One out of one of the doctors that matter choose apple cider vinegar. And who might that be? Oh, just some guy named
He's pictured here not giving a fuck because he's made of STONE. But don't be fooled by his name; he's not the Greek god of entrapping hippos or some shit like that. No, this Greek mortal just tried to stop people from being so mortal, aka INVENTING MODERN MEDICINE. "But wait," you say, "you disparaged modern medicine just last paragraph." I accept your qualm, but hypocrite I am not! It's just that newly minted doctors say the Hippocratic Oath, not the Prilosec OTC® Oath.
I sometimes HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE can't DIABETES prevent myself WEIGHT GAIN from Touretting HIGH CHOLESTEROL the conditions that HEART PROBLEMS apple cider CANCER CELL GROWTH vinegar can provide. Fucking shit, it probably can cure Tourette's too. And though there are questions about whether it really can turn these ailments around, compare it to the few side effects that are reported with any consistency. The only ones that show up are "it tastes bad" and "my throat hurts." Remedy (cures both): stop complaining.
RECIPE TIME:
16-20 oz water
2 teaspoons apple cider vinegar
Squeeze of honey
Will of steel (but will accept stone as substitute)
LET'S GET HEALTHY BITCHES
This is my first day trying it and I can barely choke it down! Can I add emergen-c or something? My students keep asking me what is wrong as I make puckered faced while trying to drink it. Ha ha.
ReplyDeleteI'd suggest slowing down to one teaspoon, adding it to a nigh-on-full 20z of water (which a Kanteen will help measure) and adding as much honey as needed to tune down the taste. I've gotten accustomed to it for the most part, but I still try to avoid that somewhat abrasive feeling that drinking a too-concentrated serving can have on the back of the throat. Whenever that happens, I'll dilute it by adding water until the bottle is full again, taking the percentage of water/apple cider vinegar down a notch.
ReplyDelete